Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Where is the hickey?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
