i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
