he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you win again, gameday.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
