And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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