Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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