I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
