This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
