I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize