Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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