if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
