You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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