but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
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omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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