Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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