Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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