I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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