i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
