I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
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You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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