I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
