I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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