How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
