All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
