Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
