I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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