I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
