I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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