i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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