Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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