You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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