totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
