I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
