How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize