Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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