you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize