You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
