I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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