did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Houston, we have a squirter
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I deserve this hangover.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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