Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
