i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
