My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
