I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
