So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
