I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
