i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
