Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
