Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
