i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
