She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
