I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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