Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize