This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
