'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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