sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
