please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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