Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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