whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
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a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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