Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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