One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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