Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
