oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
