I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
