Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's rum buckets o'clock
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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