How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
