i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
send nudes
from the living room?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
