He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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