If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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