But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
