He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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